Dearest Mhairi/Mhazz/Momar/Mohair/McBoobies
Today you have been alive for 20 whole years. Apart from this making you ridiculously old, it also makes it your birthday! Happy Birthday! I've been trying to write this alld ay, and now there is less than half an hour left till your birthday, so HERE YOU GO! :D ...
On this day, twenty years ago, it was a thursday night and the moon was a waning crescent in the sky. Somewhere in Washington, Michaelangelo (that is, the ninja turtle) was giving a speech to elementary school students about sea-turtles.The radios in the UK would have been playing Madonna's Just My Love, for it was at the top of the charts that day. The world was getting excited about compact-discs - the forefront of technology. The internet was still only whispered about. As you can see, it was an entirely unwitting world Mhairi was born into, one that did not recognise at the time the gravity of the fact; Mhairi was born, the world would never, ever be the same.
In these twenty years since, Mhairi has radically changed the world. She would spend most of her formative years with a group of wacky individuals she would often refer to as her minions, and indeed they responded as such. She soon overthrew a small country (she didn't want to appear too cocky initially) and devised the perfect society, a model that was soon adopted by the rest of the world when she became its unquestioned ruler. Aside from the odd ice sculpture of her spouting fine quality wine, she was a humble leader.
Mhairi, only 12 years old at the time, decided to step down from the responsibilities of world-leadership a few years in, in order to seek a more personally fulfilling role within the world. Though this caused the perfect-society model to collapse and caused a world-wide economy crash, food crisis and inevitably a rip in the space time continuum, no body really minded, and such things have a habit of sorting themselves out given time (and they had plenty, given the rip in the time-space continuum had dissolved the concept for a while). So Mhairi turned to a quest of discovering her true talent, which so happened to be competitive may-pole dancing. During her adventures at this pivotal period of her life she also happened to find a cure for the common cold, discovered why molecules have mass, and was granted Freedom of the British Isles for single-handedly drawing up an economic plan that averted the looming crisis within the NHS.
Mhairi, now approaching her golden years, has written the first in a series of personal memoirs that give close-up insight into the struggle behind such a beautiful, fantastic life, titled "Mhairi - Fighting With My Bear Hands" and there have been whispers about whether or not she really did have an alien baby.
Mhairi now lives in Hollywood (rumour has it famous, nine-time Oscar winning director Aidan Nicol is soon to make a film documenting her life) in her humble, 80-bedroomed abode, with her partner Roseanne, who constantly makes her sticky.
Wishing the legedary Mhairi McNeill a very very very happy birthday! :)
In these twenty years since, Mhairi has radically changed the world. She would spend most of her formative years with a group of wacky individuals she would often refer to as her minions, and indeed they responded as such. She soon overthrew a small country (she didn't want to appear too cocky initially) and devised the perfect society, a model that was soon adopted by the rest of the world when she became its unquestioned ruler. Aside from the odd ice sculpture of her spouting fine quality wine, she was a humble leader.
Mhairi, only 12 years old at the time, decided to step down from the responsibilities of world-leadership a few years in, in order to seek a more personally fulfilling role within the world. Though this caused the perfect-society model to collapse and caused a world-wide economy crash, food crisis and inevitably a rip in the space time continuum, no body really minded, and such things have a habit of sorting themselves out given time (and they had plenty, given the rip in the time-space continuum had dissolved the concept for a while). So Mhairi turned to a quest of discovering her true talent, which so happened to be competitive may-pole dancing. During her adventures at this pivotal period of her life she also happened to find a cure for the common cold, discovered why molecules have mass, and was granted Freedom of the British Isles for single-handedly drawing up an economic plan that averted the looming crisis within the NHS.
Mhairi, now approaching her golden years, has written the first in a series of personal memoirs that give close-up insight into the struggle behind such a beautiful, fantastic life, titled "Mhairi - Fighting With My Bear Hands" and there have been whispers about whether or not she really did have an alien baby.
Mhairi now lives in Hollywood (rumour has it famous, nine-time Oscar winning director Aidan Nicol is soon to make a film documenting her life) in her humble, 80-bedroomed abode, with her partner Roseanne, who constantly makes her sticky.
Wishing the legedary Mhairi McNeill a very very very happy birthday! :)
SO AWESOME
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Roseanne, that was hilarious and awesome. Best birthday present ever! :D